I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
