It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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