theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
