the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
