He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
