You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
