I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
