Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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