ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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