WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
