FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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