My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
