yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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