My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
