I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
