Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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