Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
