yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
