I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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