in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
