New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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