meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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