I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
