One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He? As in you personified your dick?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
