awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
