She said her name was "party"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
