For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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