She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I met the friendliest cop last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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