I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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