I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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