You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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