Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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