the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
