oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
