im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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