i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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