Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
