I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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