yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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