Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
