I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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