the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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