I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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