The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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