I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
