I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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