i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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