I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
