Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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