Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
