I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
