I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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