Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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