Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
