in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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